There was a time when all I wanted as a writer was for a single person (just one; didn't matter who) to like my writing. I thought I'd be able to die happy if just one person in this entire world genuinely enjoyed what I wrote.
But I got that, and then some. At first, it was great, and I felt like things were finally going my way. Yet I've discovered two things in my pursuit of writing:
#1--Having fans doesn't increase your chances of getting published or finding an agent, not even if you have thousands of them.
#2--Having fans can make it impossible to write.
As I gain increasingly more fans, I also gain increasingly more trolls, stalkers, and people I just really don't want to deal with. Now as I continue to gain more readers, I find that other authors will use every single chance they can to take a shot at me, in the hopes of reassuring themselves in their own writing. They feel that if they can "show me up" it makes them somehow better.
Some authors have millions of fans, and they do just fine. I have but a couple thousand, and I can't keep up anymore.
More than anything else, it's getting so difficult to write with other people's thoughts in my head. "Do this, do that, don't do this, don't do that."
I used to be able to write 10k words a day. Now I'll be lucky if I can squeeze out 2k every FEW days. It's not so much that I'm suffering from writer's block, but rather I keep having to wait for the influence of other people to wear off so I can make sure what I'm writing is what I really wanted, not everyone else.
I'm becoming gradually more certain that wanting to be a professional writer was a mistake for me. Why? Because professional writers, by unwritten law, must love criticism, cuddle up with edits, and change their story to meet the needs of others.
But me?
I just want to tell the stories the way I imagine them and the way I want to tell them. If being a professional writer means giving up that right, then I feel as if I've made a very bad call in aspiring to be one.
I just want to write what I want, like I did before having all these outside voices in my head.
I know just what you mean, I've so often felt that way too! I just met you on Wattpad and enjoyed reading you, you have talent, you really do. And you SHOULD keep writing the way you feel like writing. Don't you ever let anyone tell you otherwise!
ReplyDeleteThere's pleasure in putting down on paper (or into your computer screen) what you see in your mind's eye: that's what matters, the story you feel you must tell us.
As a reader of yours I would have it no other way. As a fellow writer - though I live very far from you, across the ocean, in Italy - I can only say I'm with you on this one. Fight on, write what you WANT TO WRITE!
ps. PLEASE take down that damn word "welcome" that swings across the screen, I know I'm welcome, I appreciate that but it's very irritating on the eyes, sorry!
Couldn't have said it better than Claude :) Lovely post.
ReplyDeleteAnd I realise that I will be just *one more* internet post telling you stuff but, meh.
You know what the real, hardcore truth is, that no one wants to admit? Writers *don't* love criticism. I mean, not *really*. A true writer, such as yourself and, I like to think, me, likes to write what he/she wants. A writer wants to share their POV, their vision, not anybody else's and we can and *should* get very protective and defensive about that.
Criticism is, however, a powerful tool to any writer who wishes to have success and develop his/her craft. But, like any tool, it needs to be used *when* and *if* needed. As an amateur writer, it comes down to you to choose when and how to use that valuable tool.
Any writer who takes too much criticism and listens to *everybody* is doomed to failure - the work won't be his/her expression anymore. It'll stop being *your* reflection, it won't be your vision anymore.
Writers, as any artists, are selfish, egocentric and proud beings by nature. You don't have to be those things when you're being Kevin, the guy next door, but when you're being Kevin, the author, then you *have* to be. It's the only way to survive, it's the only way to keep your work yours.
Now, professional writers with millions of fans don't really listen to *their* criticism. They listen to their publisher and editor - and even then, only in the beggining, once they're successful, they pretty much do want they want. Professional authors don't *really* read their fans comments or feedback, not the way you do when writting in Wattpad, for example. It's a totally different game. The main thing is - be faithful to yourself. It's what brought readers in and, certainly, it's what going to keep them coming.
Most of the times, readers don't really know what's best for them (for your story). This comes especially true when your readers are also writers.
Now, the key to all of this is balance. Professional writers have fallen victim to their own visions, pride and disregard for their fans' screams. But, like I said, criticism is a writer's most valuable and dangerous tool - when completely ignored, it fails do to its job. When used too much - it destroys the writer.
You can't listen to all but you shouldn't ignore them all, either. It's tricky, but hey, what kind of art is worth it without being risky and requiring some sort of hard work and sacrifice?
Anyway, I guess my advice would be to, once again, try to find the balance. Use the tool when you need and feel it is needed. Your instincts will be right.
I can completely understand that having access to every single thought your readers have after every single chapter will eventually create some echoes in your head. No professional writer has to deal with that, not in this scale. Maybe you should distance yourself from it for a while. Why not stop reading the comments for a while? Why not write for yourself for a while and then, after a few chapters are done, start posting them (if at all)?
I think you're tired. Maybe you should rest from posting chapters on Wattpad. Return once you feel back to normal, explore other areas of your life and even of the site.
Most of all - don't give up on your wonderful dream!
Writing should be almost healing in a way, it should be a pleasure - not the opposite. And your dream is beautiful and you have everything it takes to achieve it. Just don't fall victim to the madness.
Write, write, write, write, write. To yourself only, if you need to. Just DON'T STOP!
By the way, I don't think I've ever said this to you, and it may not be worth a lot to you (I'm sure you may hear this everyday) but it sure does to me so here goes - you inspire me, dude :) *
Hey Kevin! I just came across your blog. :D I believe you have seen thousands (or more) comments from your fans complimenting your work and maybe requesting for scenes or whatever. I think that most of us enjoy your work because that's how we like it: your ideas and however you want the story line to go, or what you're HATE-ing (hating, yea) this time. You're my favorite indie writer (not sure if you agree with the term being used on you), or writer, and I'd love to see you continue publishing your work on Wattpad. Just write for yourself. :D
ReplyDelete