Writers shouldn't be held to higher standards.

One of the things I hate most about now "technically" being a writer (I refuse to ever believe that I actually am one) is that, for some fucked up reason, I'm expected to take all the horrors, pressures, and sleepless nights that come with the trade, but I'm also expected to do this while maintaining a good, public face.

I really don't like this; seriously, I don't.

 It's true that I like to write books, and it's also true that I like to sell those books to people who are interested in buying them, but at no time during my jump from not writing to writing did it turn me into some well-mannered corporate executive who hides his flaws behind a fancy-looking business suit.

I am a deeply flawed and troubled human being. I was before I started writing, and I'm even worse off now. And yet, for whatever reason, I'm now expected to act like a fucking Jedi Knight. I'm supposed to be "better" than the average person, and not just in writing, but in the way I act and carry myself. Yet this isn't who I am. I'm a socially awkward imbecile. I don't care to make "nice" with people I hate, and I don't want to put public spins on my image. I just want to be me.

 Let me give you an example of life pre writing a book and life post writing a book.

 Pre book: "Kevin, your a shitty writer and you should quit."

 Me (pre writing a book): "Really? Is that so? How about you lick my nutsack you illiterate scum--and it's 'you're' not 'your.'"

Post book: "Kevin, your a shitty writer and you should quit."

Me (currently): "Dear reader, I humbly apologize that you find yourself at odds with my writing. But I want you to know how happy I am that you told me how much you hate me. I will look to better myself for you."

 This bullshit behavioral protocol that authors are expected to follow sickens me. I shouldn't have to behave "better" than anyone else, and do you know why? Because other people don't give a shit about authors and authors' problems. Many of us are depressed, disturbed, and just plain weird people who sercretly dream about jumping off a bridge.

No one gives a shit about authors and the  pain we feel. I remember reading a thread on the Amazon forums where readers mocked and ridiculed "authors and their problems'. They tore into authors for being emotional wrecks who thought other people should care about their problems.

Well, the truth is we don't--we don't care if you care about our problems. Trust me, we don't. And that's fine!

But you know what's not fine?

Getting paid shit, getting treated like shit, having everything we do or create told is shit, and then through it all, getting asked to take everything with a big phony smile on our faces.

But whatever. I'll play the "game". I'll continue to answer every hater with respect and dignity.
But just know that if you hate me and my works, though I won't say so to your face so as not to end up like the girl who wrote the Greek Seaman, I fucking hate you too!

This article alone could get me blacklisted from just about everything. That's how "perfect" we authors are expected to behave.

First time on the Kids' Fantasy Best Seller List

Special thanks to all the fans on Wattpad who helped me climb to 8k ranking on Amazon and get P.I.E. (if even only for an hour) to the #85 spot on the top 100 Kids' fantasy books. Just to be on the same list as Harry Potter #1 is amazing. Hope I'll see the list again in this lifetime!

P.I.E book 1 on sale

The first book of P.I.E will be on sale for 99 cents for the next few days only, beginning on 2/28

Why do other authors always feel they have to show me up?

Being a writer these days, honestly, kinda' sucks. I don't just mean because the pay is bad, the editing irritating, and the chances of finding a decent publisher dwindling by the second--but because of the people you deal with.

There are two types of people who leave criticism: readers and other writers.

And among the writers, there are two reasons why they choose to leave criticism: they either do it because they have an altruistic passion to try to help others writers, or because they're trying to flash their literary cocks and show you that theirs is bigger.

Let me give you a little context so you can understand what I'm on about.

In today's writing world, authors are expected to be these super-professional robots who thrive on negative feedback, grinning from ear to ear while earnestly thanking you for taking a shit all over their book. If you don't behave like this, you get attacked. So, you know what? That's fine. I can deal. But things become more difficult when it's not a reader leaving the feedback but another author, because the rules still apply.

One of the things I've noticed about writing is that if you're able to attract a large reader base, you also become a magnet for pretentious authors who feel the need to reassure themselves in their own writing by randomly coming at you under the guise of the "helpful, caring critic."

These authors--who don't have me fooled for a second--will always do two things at the start of every single "critique."

The first thing they will do is announce that they are professional / long time authors (because let's face it, it's just SO fucking important that we're aware of their level of expertise) and they will always start with something positive, in a way that it so obviously forced as to be sickening.

Here's an example:

"Hey there. I'm checking out your book. I also happen to be a professional writer (my stuff is on Amazon. Just wanna slip that in there for the people who might read this *wink* *wink* <-- superior author) and I found this to be very intriguing. You've got potential, kid! Just a few things I noticed."

[10 pages later]

" 'Don't go there,' the boy said. <-- I think you used the word 'boy twice this chapter.'

[another 10 pages later]

"And that concludes why I am a better author than you are, even though I'm not explicitly stating so in these exaggerated words, and why I now feel more like a writer for having pointed out the flaws in your own writing."

Yeah. Fuck other authors. If someone really wants to leave a helpful critique, they do so as a reader, not a writer. Any author who finds the need to announce themselves as an author beforehand is usually someone looking for a confidence boost.

Sehn Libs!

Okay, so here's a game I just made inspired by the game "Mad Libs". For those of you who have never played it, the game is very simple. You're asked to enter a word for a given part of speech (like noun, adverb, verb, etc). You don't know what these words are for, but you know that they are going into a story. Then, you see the story with your words filled in as blanks.

Entered 0 of 12 words

Input:

I can't believe I have one of these now

I hate blogging. Really, I do. Why? Because 90% of blogs are about stupid shit, like whether or not someone's dog received shots at the vet, or something your kid did you thought was funny but really wasn't.

Anyhow, I pretty much have to have one of these, because, as I'm told, you just can't be an author these days without having a blog. But I'll be damned if I'm going to get a twitter, too.

So, rather than use this blog for anything constructive, I'm going to use it to post nonsensical bullshit that you may or may not care about. For those of you who've read my "Haters Gonna Hate" series on Wattpad, you'll know what I'm on about.

For the rest, see: http://www.wattpad.com/4847295-haters-gonna-hate