P.I.E book 1 on sale

The first book of P.I.E will be on sale for 99 cents for the next few days only, beginning on 2/28

Why do other authors always feel they have to show me up?

Being a writer these days, honestly, kinda' sucks. I don't just mean because the pay is bad, the editing irritating, and the chances of finding a decent publisher dwindling by the second--but because of the people you deal with.

There are two types of people who leave criticism: readers and other writers.

And among the writers, there are two reasons why they choose to leave criticism: they either do it because they have an altruistic passion to try to help others writers, or because they're trying to flash their literary cocks and show you that theirs is bigger.

Let me give you a little context so you can understand what I'm on about.

In today's writing world, authors are expected to be these super-professional robots who thrive on negative feedback, grinning from ear to ear while earnestly thanking you for taking a shit all over their book. If you don't behave like this, you get attacked. So, you know what? That's fine. I can deal. But things become more difficult when it's not a reader leaving the feedback but another author, because the rules still apply.

One of the things I've noticed about writing is that if you're able to attract a large reader base, you also become a magnet for pretentious authors who feel the need to reassure themselves in their own writing by randomly coming at you under the guise of the "helpful, caring critic."

These authors--who don't have me fooled for a second--will always do two things at the start of every single "critique."

The first thing they will do is announce that they are professional / long time authors (because let's face it, it's just SO fucking important that we're aware of their level of expertise) and they will always start with something positive, in a way that it so obviously forced as to be sickening.

Here's an example:

"Hey there. I'm checking out your book. I also happen to be a professional writer (my stuff is on Amazon. Just wanna slip that in there for the people who might read this *wink* *wink* <-- superior author) and I found this to be very intriguing. You've got potential, kid! Just a few things I noticed."

[10 pages later]

" 'Don't go there,' the boy said. <-- I think you used the word 'boy twice this chapter.'

[another 10 pages later]

"And that concludes why I am a better author than you are, even though I'm not explicitly stating so in these exaggerated words, and why I now feel more like a writer for having pointed out the flaws in your own writing."

Yeah. Fuck other authors. If someone really wants to leave a helpful critique, they do so as a reader, not a writer. Any author who finds the need to announce themselves as an author beforehand is usually someone looking for a confidence boost.

Sehn Libs!

Okay, so here's a game I just made inspired by the game "Mad Libs". For those of you who have never played it, the game is very simple. You're asked to enter a word for a given part of speech (like noun, adverb, verb, etc). You don't know what these words are for, but you know that they are going into a story. Then, you see the story with your words filled in as blanks.

Entered 0 of 12 words

Input:

I can't believe I have one of these now

I hate blogging. Really, I do. Why? Because 90% of blogs are about stupid shit, like whether or not someone's dog received shots at the vet, or something your kid did you thought was funny but really wasn't.

Anyhow, I pretty much have to have one of these, because, as I'm told, you just can't be an author these days without having a blog. But I'll be damned if I'm going to get a twitter, too.

So, rather than use this blog for anything constructive, I'm going to use it to post nonsensical bullshit that you may or may not care about. For those of you who've read my "Haters Gonna Hate" series on Wattpad, you'll know what I'm on about.

For the rest, see: http://www.wattpad.com/4847295-haters-gonna-hate